Chemo Five...Check!

Chemo number five was on Monday. For a chemo session, it was lovely. For a number of different reasons. I did not know what was to follow.

Leaving chemo on Monday, it was a gorgeous afternoon. Surprised by both the weather, my state of mind and how I felt physically, I encouraged my mom to golf the next day. Why waste the weather? I knew both my children were home sick with Steve on Monday, but did not expect that Harrison was as sick as he was, with a fever higher than 103-degrees, which was astoundingly still 102-degrees on Tuesday morning.

Still, Harrison is my more self-sufficient child and I knew he would rather be at home with me on Tuesday, so I did not think much about it, until I spoke with his pediatrician's office. Knowing my mom and dad were golfing, I called on my sister-in-law, Lynn, to take Harrison to the doctor to be sure he did not have strep throat. She was wonderful, re-arranging her plans to get Harrison to the doctor by 11:30. Good news: no strep throat; bad news: I do not think I closed my eyes for more than five minutes the entire rest of the day.

Dr. Sweet says I am handling chemo fine. However, he warned me of fatigue. Boy, did I figure this out by Tuesday afternoon. By the time that Steve got home on Tuesday, I was so tired that I really could not get off the couch. By the time I woke up on Wednesday morning, I was so dizzy that I could not stand up on my own. Getting Maddie ready for school was an adventure. (Harrison stayed home again.) I am still dizzy, as I type this. Though, my mobility is much better.

My good friend, Barbara, had called the night before offering to bring by lunch--so I knew that Harrison and I were set in that department. That was a good thing. I had nibbled on something for breakfast, as had Harrison, but we both felt much better after Barbara dropped off food (and flowers!). We watched a movie and some hockey (Go USA!) and I managed to stay awake for about one-third of it.

So how are we tonight? Steve and Harrison left for Harrison's soccer meeting. Still congested with no fever though, we thought it was important for Harrison to go here his coach speak about the upcoming soccer year. We did keep Harrison home from baseball practice, despite the exciting news that he will be the starting pitcher at his first game on Saturday. Maddie was a little congested this morning and is still tonight--but she has no fever!

I think I am having a hard time finding the balance in being a cancer patient, mom and wife...and not necessarily in that order. Several of my friends have called today...they are good are reminding me to take care of myself. I do not think I have been doing a very good job. I know I have not had nearly enough water today, for one. Keeping my eyes open has taken just too much effort, much less getting out of bed. I feel guilty constantly. Steve has to run the entire house - taking care of everything, especially since I do not even drive anymore. And then there is Cooper. Poor dog has had no attention all week. That makes me really sad.

On a positive note, as I stated earlier, Monday's chemo was great. My friend Nancy introduced me to her friends whose mother was having chemo at the same as I. They are a lovely family and we hit it off right away. Ironically, epilepsy runs in their family as well, a nephew, age 7. My epilepsy sounds very similar to his and it was almost therapeutic to talk about my experiences in an effort to help this little boy. Also, my friend Deborah stopped by. She is awesome, working at Kaiser and sharing her lunch hour with us. Her mom had sent a gift from the family and I was very touched. Family friends are precious.

So, as I sit here, I am still groggy as all get out. I am trying to focus on the good experience I had at chemo and the fact that I only have one more treatment left. Though, I know I have a long road ahead of me full of second opinions, a brain MRI, more than likely a bilateral mastectomy, radiation and reconstruction surgery that seems overwhelming at best.

I will get there. We will get there, me, Steve and the kids. We are just holding on to all of our friends and family right now. The family support, friendly phone calls, fun cards, and meals from San Diego United Futbol Club have been amazing. Please know that these are making a huge difference and we thank you. In the interim, I will be here, trying to keep my (slight) depression and Steve's stress to a minimum. Thinking positive. Thinking positive. Thinking positive. That is all we can do!

Channeling Apolo

I do not get it. What a bad call by the referees. United States short track skater, Celski, disqualified from the the Olympics short track 1000 meter race. Hmm. It looked like the other skater caused the problem to me. Obviously, there is more to the sport than I will ever understand. Part of the game.

Kind of reminiscent of my week. Rolling with the punches. Taking the good with the bad. Understanding most, not all. Part of my game.

Following up on the events of my past weekend, I talked to a nurse from Kaiser Neurology this week. They have ordered an MRI of my brain and some blood work. We agreed that I would visit Dr. Kaplan (my neurologist) in a couple of months. The nurse assured me that there is not much Dr. Kaplan can tell me now that I do not already know right now and by waiting a couple of months, he will be able to begin laying the groundwork for me to get my driver's license back. Though I do not have official word from DMV, I am guessing that my license was suspended for a minimum of three months, potentially for six. I must remain seizure free. I am hoping for the best.

I also had an appointment with Dr. Sweet this week. All is set for chemo treatment number five on Monday. He was concerned by the seizure activity but rather than tell me I need to "do some laundry" as he usually jokes, he confirmed my decision to stop working. He re-read my surgeon's report where she stated that my tumor had shrunk from four to three centimeters, confirming that the chemo is working. He looked at the spider bite on my hand and the resulting infection. It did not concern him too much. He told me I could expect more fatigue - same warning of treatment four. Best of all, he told me I could take some ibuprofen for the lingering achiness resulting from my fall, when I seized last weekend. I have been trying to limit my dose to once per day and probably will not take any more after tonight. I have vicodin prescribed to me too - but I am not a fan. I only take it when I really hurt. I do not want to take it for the consistent, yet relatively minor, aches and pains that have plagued me all week.

In closing this blog entry, I just watched Apolo Ohno struggle for bronze. However, as I type "struggle for bronze" I realize that the announcers are speaking to his brilliance of overcoming his slight error at the start of the race to earn the bronze medal. Later, Apolo reported to the television broadcaster that he lost a lot of speed when he slipped at the beginning of the race. He had to dig down deep in order to" leave it all on the ice". In doing so, Apolo is now the most decorated U.S. Winter Olympian in history. Amazing.

Obviously making mistake and earning a bronze medal is a lot different than making a mistake and being disqualified, as Celski was earlier. I have to wonder if Apolo Ohno had something similar happen to him in one of his prior Olympic appearances - an experience to draw from. Later, after reading that this is Celski's first Olympics. it ocurred to me that it is all in how we learn to overcome our errors that make us great. Experience and dedication. Apolo has an abundance of both.

As I become more versed in dealing with my cancer and resulting physical symptoms, I hope I can channel Apolo's determination and brilliance. I am not thrilled to have this particular experience to draw from...but the only disqualification I want on my front is the cancer itself.