I am nesting. I find it incredibly exhausting yet at the same time it calms my nerves. I have especially been on edge for the last 72-hours or so, with each hour bringing me closer to being cancer free.
Surgery is Wednesday. I am checking in at 12:30; "OR time" is scheduled for 2:30-4:30; and, then, I should be in recovery until about 6:30 p.m. I had a call from my surgeon yesterday, and then today, a woman from Kaiser Admitting called me to begin their process.
With the surgery and its preparations on the forefront of my mind, I am reminded of when I was pregnant and the "nesting" phenomenon that almost all pregnant women experience. The garage sale we had planned motivated me earlier this week to clean out several drawers in the kitchen. The fact that there were very few customers in the early hours of the garage sale motivated me to keep going. My friend had called the day before and offered to help with the garage sale. Since, Steve had it under control, we charged ahead with organizing my Tupperware drawer. (Thanks, Lisa!) I did not stop there. One thing lead to another and I have been cleaning and organizing my house for the past 12 hours. Yes, I am definitely nesting.
However, tired as I am, as I sit down to write, I realize that I am not overly emotional, I am not coughing and all in all, I feel pretty good. Let's just hope that the experiment I threw in the oven to serve for dinner tonight (we are low on groceries) will not cause too much of a commotion and we will be all set!
Thinking of you Marsi and will say a prayer that all goes well with your surgery on Wednesday. <3 Alice
ReplyDeleteI have done my doggone best not to post any stories about "well, when I had surgery..." or "this reminds me of when I..." as I am certain that you have heard quite a few of them, but I am so able to identify with this sudden compulsion to complete tasks that you may have put off for months that I just can't help it.
ReplyDeleteFive. Five total surgeries that in no way will ever compare with what you have faced and what you will face, but I had five surgeries. I have had this sudden need to mow the lawn just one more time, or fix that gate that wasn't hanging quite right, etc, etc. What I do know is that with the sheer number of surgeries that I had, I have had time to reflect on behaviors that seem to crop up time and time again.
Welcome to the wonderful world of the unknown. You know what the doctors are going to do to your body, you've heard it hundreds of times. (And have probably researched it and heard about it from folks who have gone through it and the list goes on...). You've thought about it, and you've attempted to come to grips with the outcome. You've come to peace with it, but there are so many questions that remain. And it is those questions, that in my opinion, drive us into the nesting frenzy. You can control the cleaning and tidying. You can see the outcome and you can check it and all of the other jobs that you finished off of your mental list of things that you control. It feels good. When you clean out a drawer, you know what the end result will be and it helps you to relax. Revel in this control. Enjoy it, savor it, and keep on doing it!
For what it's worth, here are my surgery helpers:
ReplyDelete• Once you enter the "door," you'll be led to a place to strip down and put on your gown. Once "dressed," you'll be taken to a chair where you will get a warm blanket. It is the best darn warm blanket in the world. Enjoy! You'll get an IV and your arm will drink a bag of fluids. (Mostly saline and I would guess an antibiotic as you approach the "time".)
• A billion people will introduce themselves and ask you what you are in for. They're not stupid. (Took me a while to believe that one!) They're just double checking that you all are in for the same thing.
• Your doctor will come and talk to you. S/He will confirm what you are doing. (Nope they're not stupid either. Just think "failsafe".) You're getting closer.
• I had to walk to my surgery room and lie down on a table where I got more warm blankets! I was strapped in, arms out, and you'll probably get something things that inflate/deflate on your legs that help with circulation. (They're kinda cool!). You'' exchange some pleasantries with the folks in the room and then the anesthesiologist will say that you will be sleeping soon. About the time that it takes for you to take a deep breath to "prepare" for sleep, you'll be out. I was blown away with how quickly. It comes peacefully.
•You'll wake up slowly. Although you are in a funny place, you'll feel calm. (You'll half wonder if they did anything.) As you get your wits about you, you'll look to see if you are bandaged and see that you are. Yup, they did it.
• You'll be offered a drink and it will be the best drink that you have ever had. Better than any wine or tropical drink in Hawaii that you'll have ever had.
• More time will pass, and Steve will be allowed to be with you as you come to a bit more. You'll love seeing his face and it will bring you incredible comfort.
You'll get to go home after a bit. Home is good and your bed will feel incredible. From this point forward take advantage of all of the folks who have offered their help. It's because they care about you. Sad, but folks who care about you forget to tell you often enough until times of need. They're telling you that they love you. You'll hear the word "helping" but it's loving.
I can't begin to tell you how it is to lose such a personal part of you. Guess you'll need to talk to your gal pals on this one. You will make it and you'll make it as a stronger person than you've ever been.
Best of luck on Wednesday! You'll be in our prayers!
(Sorry I rambled on for so long! I just got going.) ;-)
LOL - I exceeded the number of words for a single post! Oh well...
ReplyDeleteBig hugs and prayers for you, your surgeon, and the OR team, may your be surrounded in perfect love. Goodbye cancer! love, Jeanie
ReplyDeleteMy favorite part of Scott's surgery (and my lumpectomy) was when we had to sign our initials to where they were doing the surgery. :) I also liked Scott's face when he woke up and realized they had sewn a button to his finger. Seriously though, best of luck on Wednesday. Another part of your journey will soon be behind you. We will all be thinking of you.
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