Come Visit Me

I took myself off the grid yesterday. Why? Mainly because my finger tips were peeling and something about playing on my iPad did not seem like a good fit. I was lonely. I was ancy. I felt miserable; though, I tried on several instances to pull myself out of it: I took a bath; I walked the dog; I ran a quick errand; and, I pushed myself a little to accomplish a menial task or two. Still, it was a fairly miserable day.

It is a strange feeling to be ancy and have no energy at the same time. It is almost as if there is bouncing ball inside of me, a constant pinball game in motion. I think that is why the distraction of this blog, Facebook and Twitter are so good for me. But I can tell you what would work better: a visit from a friend.

Yesterday, someone stopped by just to give me a hug. Another friend came by to take Maddie to gymnastics. Both times, I visited for brief moments. Not to diminish what either of these friends did to help that day; they were wonderful. But honestly, I think the biggest help they gave to me was to help to get me out of my own head for a few minutes.

I did not even pick up a book or a magazine yesterday. I suppose I could have. This is the buggar of it all. I just did not feel like doing anything. However, if someone would have come and sat down in my living room, I would have had no choice but to talk and maybe even laugh a little.

Another factor that is hard to explain is the fact that I will more than likely never come see you. Sounds awful, doesn't it? It sounds down right lazy as I write it down. However, my reality is that by the time I expend the effort to even organize myself to leave the house, I am already spent. This does not include any primping I might want to take on, nor does it include feeding myself, etc. Just organizing. Grabbing my keys, finding my sunglasses, making sure I have my purse and my cell phone. My big outing yesterday was to the bank. I had prepared myself to run two other errands, but by the time I got to the bank, I was so tired that I could not fathom driving myself anywhere else.

Which leads me to another impediment: driving. Driving stresses me out these days. I worry that I am too tired to drive and put myself and others in danger when I am on the road. I avoid it, preferring to drive only between the hours of 10-2 and only short distances at that. Writing this, I sound like an old lady. I remember my father-in-law telling me the same thing about his preferences for driving. He was 70. I am 40.

Anyway, with this blog entry, I officially let the cat out of the bag. The best thing you can do for me? Come visit me. Maybe not always unannounced...but maybe do not give me too much time to think about it, either. Don't wait for me to call you. I will call, do not get me wrong...but time is an interesting character these days. I have a concept somedays...some days it completely escapes me like the leprachaun, leaving the house in shambles as it searches for its pot of gold.

In no means do I write this to complain, either. I have a huge network of support. A network that includes very busy people, wonderful people. However, I just want to make it known my thoughts and feelings, as is the purpose of this blog...so you will all know. Just in case you should ever be in my neighborhood.