Crying While No One is Watching

Nearly 18 months have passed,
Surviving this long.
So much determination,
So much, so strong.

But when the house gets quiet,
The lights dimmed low.
I cry while no one is watching,
Sometimes hard, sometimes slow.

I cry for my body,
Now tattered and scorn.
I cry for the decisions I've faced,
At times, frightful and forlorn.

I cry for my husband,
And the stress he has faced.
My children, so resilient,
Smiling with grace.

I cry for my parents,
And the rest of my family too.
I can only guess what it feels like,
To watch your child go through.

I cry for those who have gone before me,
Some surviving, some not.
My sisters in this disease,
Too many, hard fought.

My crying makes it hard,
On those who surround me.
So I reserve the tears,
And hold on to fear tightly.

For as a mother, a wife,
A sister, cousin, colleague and friend.
I know you are there.
But, I'm not willing to bend.

From the strength you hold high,
Regarding my truth.
You cling to so dearly,
Your passion is proof.

So, I cry while no one is watching,
Watching others cry too.
Knowing deep down that it's almost over,
One more day, then I am through.

One last surgery,
One last scar.
Hopeful, excited and scared,
Knowing exactly how far.

How far I have been.
How you've been there too.
Thank you, my friends.
Thank you, thank you.

So is the journey really ending?
Most definitely not.
My cancer journey is though,
One last shot.

Glimpsing life after cancer,
Normalcy returning,
My journey moving forward,
Wheels of life turning.

....And no more crying when no one is watching....