Taking a Break from "The Ellen Show"

I am taking a break from "The Ellen Show". It is not really Ellen's fault. There is no way that she could have known the reaction I would have to her show content. In fact, what she did more than likely had a profound impact on the family to which it was aimed. It was a very nice thing to do. As one voice in her television audience though, I was disappointed.

Ellen had an audience member on Monday that was an inspiration. A cancer survivor of a rare type of cancer, she and this woman's children created a "bucket list" of random, spontaneous tasks that as a family, they completed. The cancer survivor explained how the list kept her going when times were tough. She had my complete attention. I listened intently as she explained that completing items such has renting an ice cream truck and handing out ice cream on her birthday was memorable and rewarding. Driving through a drive through to order french fries was a highlight. Meeting President Obama ranked top of the list.

I was inspired. I wanted to make my own bucket list. The woman's smile gave me hope. If she can do it, so can I. I thought about how I have a rare type of cancer (stage 4) and do not know how much time I have but that maybe I should be more like this woman and make the best of it.

After watching the rest of the story, I was saddened to learn that this woman's time had expired. What? My heart sank. And then I got mad. Knowing the end, why would Ellen put that on her show? I realize it was done as a tribute to someone Ellen truly admired and she would have no way of knowing how it would make another cancer survivor feel. Not that I can speak for all cancer survivors'.

I always thought of "The Ellen Show" as "safe". Watching day after day, sometimes it was the only time of day that I smiled or laughed out loud. When I watch her show, I want the energy to dance. I do not have it...but I actually want it. For those who have not battled this disease, wanting to dance is half the battle. Heck, I do not want to eat half of the time.

So what do I do now? Take a break. Watch "Dr. Phil". Though, I am not quite sure how long I will be able to take some of the dark topics that he discusses on his show.

Ellen, I am disappointed. This entry is my best effort at dealing with my feelings. And trust me when I say I am not really mad.....I just took one step forward....and ten steps back. I think. Maybe that is a bit too dramatic. I am still here. My cancer is still shrinking. I still have hope. I am the lucky one. I just need to take break from watching "The Ellen Show" for a little while.