Wednesday, March 28, 2012

Taking a Break from "The Ellen Show"

I am taking a break from "The Ellen Show". It is not really Ellen's fault. There is no way that she could have known the reaction I would have to her show content. In fact, what she did more than likely had a profound impact on the family to which it was aimed. It was a very nice thing to do. As one voice in her television audience though, I was disappointed.

Ellen had an audience member on Monday that was an inspiration. A cancer survivor of a rare type of cancer, she and this woman's children created a "bucket list" of random, spontaneous tasks that as a family, they completed. The cancer survivor explained how the list kept her going when times were tough. She had my complete attention. I listened intently as she explained that completing items such has renting an ice cream truck and handing out ice cream on her birthday was memorable and rewarding. Driving through a drive through to order french fries was a highlight. Meeting President Obama ranked top of the list.

I was inspired. I wanted to make my own bucket list. The woman's smile gave me hope. If she can do it, so can I. I thought about how I have a rare type of cancer (stage 4) and do not know how much time I have but that maybe I should be more like this woman and make the best of it.

After watching the rest of the story, I was saddened to learn that this woman's time had expired. What? My heart sank. And then I got mad. Knowing the end, why would Ellen put that on her show? I realize it was done as a tribute to someone Ellen truly admired and she would have no way of knowing how it would make another cancer survivor feel. Not that I can speak for all cancer survivors'.

I always thought of "The Ellen Show" as "safe". Watching day after day, sometimes it was the only time of day that I smiled or laughed out loud. When I watch her show, I want the energy to dance. I do not have it...but I actually want it. For those who have not battled this disease, wanting to dance is half the battle. Heck, I do not want to eat half of the time.

So what do I do now? Take a break. Watch "Dr. Phil". Though, I am not quite sure how long I will be able to take some of the dark topics that he discusses on his show.

Ellen, I am disappointed. This entry is my best effort at dealing with my feelings. And trust me when I say I am not really mad.....I just took one step forward....and ten steps back. I think. Maybe that is a bit too dramatic. I am still here. My cancer is still shrinking. I still have hope. I am the lucky one. I just need to take break from watching "The Ellen Show" for a little while.

1 comment:

  1. Hi Marsi, I didn't see this show but you captured the moment very well. I feel for you and how that deflated you're inspiration. I hope writing your feelings down helped you feel better. Dr. Phil is a great show - but it is a dark show and not 'safe' to watch anytime. The Ellen Show is always fun and 99% of the time 'safe'. I hope, after you rejuvenate your spirit, you give her another chance to make you laugh and want to dance. She does the best she can... and she would never have showed that - if she knew how it would affect you and many others. She is a very kind and thoughtful person, as are you! You're in my thoughts and prayers. Hang in there and stay strong. ;-)