OK, not really, but I felt like a winner.
Steve and the kids were gone on a cruise this weekend. They were with Steve's entire family, less our nephew Tyler, who has been following his dreams by traveling the world (he is currently in Australia). My doctor, Steve and I made the decision that I should not cruise with Steve's family for infection control purposes. So, Steve, brave dad that he is, joined his family and enjoyed the weekend as a single parent.
This is not why I felt like a winner. I missed them dearly. However, as I drove down to the cruise ship terminal to pick them up this morning, I realized that this past weekend was the first time since I learned of my cancer, where I had the opportunity to be quiet with myself and concentrate only on me. I guess I needed this more than I thought.
Many have doted on me in their own way over the course of the last three months. Everything about all our lives has been about me - in so much as the Holidays, Harrison's birthday and the remodel would allow. The controlled chaos, while wonderful as it has been, keeps my mind buzzing and me pushing forward in a way that has worked for me, so far. However, truth be told, I feel like I have been in an emotional downward spiral lately - feeling a little too sorry for myself and losing myself a little bit. I knew I needed something for me - a girls' night, a date with my husband, just something. I needed it fast and was depressed no one had read my mind and made it happen. (Hence, the feeling sorry for myself action.)
The day before Steve left on the cruise, I cried. One of those emotional outbursts that comes easily these days. I was worried about him going on the cruise by himself, worried that something bad would happen and that Steve himself would come back completely exhausted. However, as my dad and I wished them "bon voyage" on Friday, I felt calm.
I spent Friday night at my parents' house. My parents doted on me hand and foot. Cooper slept at the foot of the bed. My dad and I spent an hour trying to "sync" our Wii fit to their Wii system. I gave a demonstration - even of the hula hoop. It was fun. Back to my house, Saturday allowed a three+ hour nap and I watched movies with a good friend (and colleague) Saturday night.
Sunday was the big game. I made arrangements with the Hansen's, Mark Revetta and the Garlow's to tailgate. Dad and I took the trolley with ease and arrived at the tailgate to good food, good beer and great friends. I felt loved. My dad had fun. We toasted inside the Q. Spirits were high. Watching the game with my dad, my spirit soared.
I came home to another fabulous dinner presented by the San Diego United Futbol Club. (Greek food was also provided on Saturday night - yum!). I was so astounded by both meals that I had to invite my neighbor over Sunday to feast. People's generosity continues to amaze me.
All in all, despite the fact that I missed Steve and the kids, I had a fantastic weekend. Though, I still do not feel all that great physically - I need a nap right now. However, thanks to family, friends and fellow soccer parents, I feel like I was the real winner this weekend, not those stinkin' Jets. So, the Chargers lost and I missed a family vacation....there is always next year.