Saturday, January 2, 2010

The Unreal Truth – Thoughts from a Husband

I married my beautiful bride 13 years ago. That day was the best day of my life. A normal November day this year was the worst.

It is a feeling of unreal truth to learn that your wife has breast cancer. Emotions such as fear, dread, worry, and anger rush through you as multiple questions come to mind about what to do: “How could this have happened?”, “Isn’t she too young?”, and “How is this going to affect our lives?” are a few. Questioning and complaining will not change a thing. All that matters is how will I get my wife 100% cancer free.

Marsi has already discussed her Cancer treatment using Chemotherapy, so I do not want to focus on the treatment itself but rather the effects of the treatment. This is where it is the hardest for me. Hardest because I am helpless. For the first time, I, the husband, can not help my wife. I can not just wisk her away from all the fear and pain. Instead, I am forced to helplessly watch my beloved suffer. Aches, pain, nausea, loss of hair, exhaustion are all normal for her now. It has become a day long battle for her to find, in a word, comfort. Chemotherapy may be the cure for cancer, but it is in no way a quick fix. It is a long, drawn out, painful, multiple symptom breakdown of her body that physically and mentally tears her down – this is what I have to watch my wife endure. And watching your loved one go through it, is absolutely horrible.

This is where love, friendship and positive thinking come in. No cancer patient needs any negative feelings or sorrow around them. They need love, support, family and most of all, humor. I feel the best thing I can do for Marsi right now is keep our family running as usual. Keep as much normalcy in our lives as possible. I have to show Marsi that I have no fear and no doubt that she will get through this. Marsi needs this from me. She depends on me to be strong at this time, more then ever before, because I am her shinning white knight, her punching bag, her shoulder to cry on and her partner.


  1. Y'all are both so lucky to have each other. And together as a family you will all come through this stronger and closer than you could have ever imagined!!

  2. Marsi, will go through all that you have stated and more, but love will pull her thru and God knows Rob and I Love her and think of her every day....positive thoughts always.
    Cousin Mary

  3. I'm glad you wrote this, Steve. Since November, I've tried to imagine being in your position, watching my wife endure something so difficult, and I can't even get my brain to go there. As usual, I continue to be amazed by the strength exhibited by Team White. --Seth

  4. Steve you are an amazing husband, father and person! Which is why you are surrounded by an amazing family, too. Thanks for the courage to share your perspective. We are all right there with you, cheering you and Marsi and Team White on!

  5. A good husband is such a great gift from God, and you, Steve, are GREAT!! I've always thought that a perfect mate is easy to have when times are good, but it's the challenges in life that show you that you've found the perfect mate, one who loves you no matter what and supports you when you need it and when you didn't even know you needed it! Much love to you both!

  6. Dear Marsi
    I am touched by your husbands words. I hope you know I would be happy to help in anyway.

    If you feel like it and when you are up to it - I have a very dear friend who could be a real source of information and strength for you. She has battled cancer so fiercely and has a wealth of knowledge she is using to live a very good quality life as she stomps out this beast!
    Please look her up or call me and I will connect you with her.

    If you are interested, you can find out about her here:

    For health updates go to

    Maria Lenhoff (sdunited- GU11 and GU14)
    619 861 7970