Thursday, June 3, 2010

I visited the radiation machine today....

I visited the radiation machine today. I had a "mock run" of my radiation therapy. They lined me up. They took x-rays. The doctor gave a sign of approval. I stared right into the mouth of the machine where the radiation will emanate. It looked like it had teeth, as it stood ready and waiting to zap its electronic medicine.

Lying there, perfectly still as instructed by the technicians, alone in the room, the moments felt like an hour. I was emotional, fleeting as it was. I made myself take deep breaths. I thought about how I did not want to go back into treatment. I thought about the cancer and how it was gone. I thought about the beach. I thought about Steve and the kids. I thought about my beautiful skin and what I am about put it through.

I know radiation therapy is the right decision for me. Cancer is a beast. Much more ugly than the machine I laid under today. Not at all discriminating. It does not have technicians that line it up in the perfect spot. And in my case, with my type of cancer, if it comes back and metastasizes, outcomes are not good.

So, radiation is definitely the way to go. I just have to get there. And I will. Emotions in check.


  1. Find your happy place while the rays of light take care of business.
    How many sessions? 5 weeks? I became so use to the drive to Alvarado, became so routine. Oh, and the people you'll meet in the waiting room are pretty amazing. Drink lots of water and apply some healing cream. Jeans Cream is great stuff. Also Puremedy Bio-ceuticals homeopathic salve (infection free formula) is great stuff. I found this at Windmill Farms. My skin didn't start to look angry until my 5th week and thats when my Dr. prescribed 1% Silver Sulfadiazine Cream. When I picked up that Rx from KP, they tried to charge me the full amount, instead of my co-pay b/c the Rx came from Alvarado. You should only pay your co-pay, nothing more than that. It all worked out.

    See you at the fields tonight! Nail bitter games!


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