I am here. I am alive. More alive than I felt yesterday, after not eating anything until 5:00 p.m. I did not think I was going to make it. Truth be told, I almost lost my cookies all over my mom's car as she drove me home from my procedure. Of course, this was after I had eaten a half of a turkey sandwich in the recovery room.
Yesterday, I had my port placement. It is on my left side slightly under my collar bone. The bandage is small. My surgeon was Dr. Deree. The same surgeon to which we entrusted my mastectomies. She is wonderful and by this time, I consider her more like a friend. I trust that there will be minimal scarring and no problems with the port because I know she would not have it any other way. I was awake during the procedure. I even managed to crack a joke or two. The nurses were awesome, one of which loves plumerias and is off to Kauai on vacation next week. In an odd way, having her as my OR nurse was comforting, making me feel like my sister-in-law Kelly (a nurse practitioner) was by my side. To those of you who know Kelly, you understand why.....the girl loves Hawaii and plumerias. She and Darin were married on the North Shore of Oahu.
This morning, I am a bit achy, but I am not in pain. I should be able to have chemotherapy Monday using my new port. The intense headache that dilaudid could not even clear dissipated with the help of an ice pack on the back of my neckand a little quiet time on my couch. My nausea went away, as well. My mom was a rock star, once again. Steve too. My dad called to check on us regularly. I am sure I was supposed to call others, or maybe others even called to check in. However, my head was ringing so that if it did not have something to do with Steve or my kids, I just did not care. I was in bed at 8:30 last night. I woke up once during the night, took some Norco for pain and went back to sleep. I am up early, but there is nothing new about that.
All this being said, on Wednesday, we saw Dr. Sweet. I was having a terrible day, but decided that maybe it was good that he saw me in this state. I did loose my cookies that day, in the middle of the doctor's office waiting room. I had sent Steve to get me prescription in the pharmacy. In his absence, an angel who was the companion of another patient, came and rubbed my back during my troubles. She was an older women and I really felt blessed at that moment. It was a horrible feeling to be alone, in a wheel chair (I was not walking at that point), throwing up and in the middle of a waiting room. I would not wish that on anyone.
Our visit with Dr. Sweet was productive, despite me feeling so poorly. I exclaimed that I was not handling these chemo therapies well. That is not to say that they are not working. His question was simple. He asked if I had been in the house more than out to which I replied, "YES!" Granted, I have had other stresses that may have amplified me feeling weak and nauseated. This being said, we agreed that I would stay on these therapies one more time and see how I fair.
Dr.Sweet gave me a disabled parking pass. I turned it in at AAA yesterday and preceded to go to Target and park right up front. It was liberating, oddly. Dr. Sweet also extended my disability leave through February.
So, all in all, I am doing OK. I received a flowers from one of my "Helping Angels" on Monday; a pretty plant from Steve and his colleague on Tuesday; received a card from a family friend and had a great conversation with a neighbor, on Wednesday; yesterday, dinner and groceries were delivered with a sweet note; and, I received a gorgeous basket full of goodies from San Diego United Girls Soccer and Girl Scout Troops 6413 and 6214. I am so blessed. I feel so loved. Thank you to all who spend your time and energies to help me so. It means more to me than can ever be expressed in writing.